parrexcellence.blog

Oh, what a feeling! Contemplating the concept of “success” in late stage capitalism. What does it look like? Is it joining them because we couldn’t beat them? At least they’re having fun.

Speaking of fun, we recently got AMC A-List memberships because what else is there to do in hell AKA Florida in the thick of summer? One movie we saw recently was Tony, a little biopic about Anthony Bourdain (RIP 4EVER) and his formative youth as a line cook in Cape Cod. I don’t think they followed Bourdain’s memoir Kitchen Confidential all that closely, but it’s refreshing for a 36-year-old like me to know that Anthony Bourdain was first published at the ripe age of 44. He lived a full life before he sat down and reflected on everything he had experienced. 

Similarly, the artist Kelela found more widespread acclaim as she found her groove in her late 30s and early 40s. This is awesome for millennial women like me because it was essentially implied that there’s an expiration date from when our careers can really take off. I personally felt like I needed to capitalize on my youth as soon as possible, and I was repeatedly disappointed throughout the years as I slowly, then quickly realized how exploitative the American working world could be. 

I hadn’t experienced heartbreak in love or in my career when I was younger, nor the feeling of outgrowing the life I once thought was for me. My ego took a hit as I barreled through the motions. The reality is that I didn’t really know shit when I was in my 20s. I’m still figuring it all out. Who isn’t? Life is littered with many detours.

But that’s neither here nor there when it feels like we as a society are on the brink of climate collapse. I woke up recently to the most heartbreaking footage of the Nepal flood that looked straight out of an apocalyptic movie so much I had to double-check to make sure the clips weren’t from 2012 or The Day After Tomorrow. It’s especially heartbreaking knowing that an event of this scale could only have been caused by the cruel carelessness and greed of the Western world and its fossil fuel reliance, rampant deforestation, unsustainable agricultural practices, etc. 

I know I said I was trying to be hopeful in my last post, but seeing something like this really set me back. I’m angry, and I feel powerless at times. When these feelings creep in, I stop caring so much about finding “success.” I start thinking about just pure basic survival. Like how I need to become less reliant on corporations providing for me and my family. I need to garden finally. I need to write more. I need to curb my doomscrolling. I need to.